"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable."

"She lived a life of no regrets," the pastor said.

I left the funeral with vivid memories of Dorothy, my old college professor, running like a movie through my head. I thought about it—the "no regrets" part—the part that spoke of all she had done with her long productive life. A life that seemed like three lifetimes when compared to the accomplishments of her peers.

Dorothy Clayton was always involved. She would jump in with both feet to take on a humanitarian task or simply tie a child's shoelace when other equally concerned citizens were content to be, well, concerned. You would never see her waiting around for the right time or the right place or the right set of circumstances to present themselves. She simply did what she felt life demanded of her right then and there and saw it through to completion. She once remarked, "Life offers too many second chances to ever have any regrets." She took advantage of every second chance that came along.

Her passion and zest for living stayed with her well into her nineties. In the five years before her death at the age of ninety-seven, she took up skydiving, sang in a barbershop quartet, went scuba diving at the Great Barrier Reef, traveled Europe, met the prime minister of England and taught her grandchildren to write poetry. She even found the time to finish writing another book—her personal memoirs—something she had started thirty-five years earlier. Regrets? Doubtful. A full life? Absolutely.

Why is it that so many of us have regrets? How is it possible to be among the living, wishing we had done something that we have yet to do and feel as if we will never do it? If we define regrets as something we should have done but didn't, can't we still do it? Why have we given up?

By choosing to regret, we have in essence, walked away from what it is we truly want. After all, we would never regret something unless it was very important to us. Things that are unimportant are never regretted, they are simply forgotten. But regrets carry a very different meaning in our lives. These are things we have determined to be crucial—things that really matter—things that deep down inside we know we need to accomplish in our lifetime.

Regrets often reflect a low level of courage and lack of belief in ourselves at the moment of choice. If we look back and proclaim that we regret not having done something, we are, in essence, making a statement about the poor choices we made in the past. We may have made those choices from fear rather than love and compromised our highest values in the process. But those are decisions that are now behind us and cannot be replayed. However, by learning from the past and listening to our hearts desire, our present moments can now become a wonderful journey as we begin to make better choices—during the moment at hand—and allow our dreams to become our reality. Remember: Poor choices today, will become regrets tomorrow.

Here are a few more thoughts on regrets:

• The freedom of aging. Many of us begin to think life is going down hill somewhere around our 40th birthday. We are no longer as youthful in appearance; our hair is thinning, our waistlines expanding. It seems as if nature has played a dirty trick on us so we frantically try to recapture our youth. We dye our hair, leave our partner for someone younger and seemingly more attractive, or buy that hot sports car we always wanted. But it's all a big lie that will continue to rob us of our energy as long as we buy into the fallacy that we need to remain youthful. Turn the tables and realize that the second half of your life can be the best half because you no longer need to waste time and energy playing the games of youth! You can now choose to become the person you were always meant to be. The writer, the musician, the artist, the whatever. It's all within your reach. Start slowly but take a step each day that brings you closer to the real you—perhaps the you you've kept silent all these years.
• Remove the roadblocks. Determine what it is you want to do and then remove the obstacles that stand in the way of your goal. For most of us, finding the time to do what we really want to do is a major challenge. The solution in most cases is to simply say no to the urgent and yes to the important. In other words, get rid of the time wasters—people and things that try to steal your precious time. Once done, fill those spaces with what is really important to you. And for heavens sake, don't worry about what others may think—the biggest roadblock of all!
• See what can still be. The minute you slap the label of regret on something, you give up on ever doing it. "I regret never becoming a dancer," my dear friend Susan said as she blew out the candles on her 65th birthday cake. In the corner of the room sat a dusty catalog of summer activities offered by the local college. Dance lessons were part of the curriculum. Susan never saw that catalog because regret had taken away her ability to see what could still be. She lived another 20 years and never found the time to dance. She died with her music still inside her.
• Begin. Procrastination can kill most dreams before they ever get off the ground. Once you know what it is you want to do, START DOING IT! Let's say you want to play piano. The minute you take your first piano lesson, you have become a pianist—albeit not a very proficient one yet—but a pianist nonetheless. Just take that first baby step and the rest will follow.
• Drop your pride. Perhaps what you really regret most is not having said "I'm sorry" or "I love you" to an important person in your life. Are they still among the living? Want to feel a whole lot better? Go do it now. Sure, it's possible your apology won't be accepted or that your love might be rejected, but at least you can rest in the knowledge that you tried to add more peace and love to the world. Too much pride can prevent you from doing many things in your life—get rid of it now!

In my own life, I have made many blunders. I have said things in the past that I surely would not say today and done things that I would never dream of doing again. But I can honestly say that I have no regrets about the things I've done. Why? Because I have apologized for my mistakes, try not to repeat them and I know that the past is just that—-past. It is over and done with. It cannot be relived.

I do have a few regrets however, about the things I didn't do. Things that my heart told me were important—-my own personal truth—-that I chose, for the sake of convenience or the presence of fear, to ignore. I plan to revisit the dreams that resonate so deeply within my soul. I plan to take action, put fear aside and go after my heart's desire. I pray you too will do the same.

Some Things To Consider

Are there things in your life that still need to be done? Does it bother you knowing that you may never do them? These are your future regrets.

Make a list of all these things and begin doing them one by one. You don't have to do them all at once, just start chipping away at them. You will be amazed at how much better you will feel just knowing that you are working on the important areas of your life—even if its just a few baby steps in the right direction.

All Rights Reserved © 2002 By Jeffrey Alan Hall